The Healing Power of Forgiveness: How Letting Go Can Transform Your Mind, Body, and Relationships

"Science shows that letting go isn’t about forgetting; it’s about freeing yourself from stress, anxiety, and negativity. It strengthens relationships, builds resilience, and even improves physical health," said Dr. Khan during a recent webinar hosted by Khan Klinics in collaboration with American Muslim Today’s (AMT) health podcast and supported by Pulmonics Plus.

Dr. Amir Khan spoke with the acclaimed Dr. Loren Toussaint, a psychology professor specializing in forgiveness research. A PhD graduate from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Dr. Toussaint has consulted for Mayo Clinic and the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. He also studies forgiveness as a tool for health and resilience through the Sierra Leone Forgiveness Project.

Understanding the true meaning of forgiveness is crucial. Dr. Khan opened the discussion by asking Dr. Toussaint how forgiveness is defined in the field of science. Dr. Toussaint explained that forgiveness is not about excusing or forgetting harm but rather about letting go of hatred and replacing it with love. He emphasized that this process allows individuals to heal and move forward, unburdened by resentment.

Dr. Loren Toussaint

The Biological and Psychological Effects of Holding onto Grudges

One of the most eye-opening revelations from the discussion was the biological response to holding onto resentment. Dr. Toussaint explained that when someone perceives harm, the body reacts as if it has faced a physical threat. This triggers the stress response, leading to elevated blood pressure, heightened sympathetic nervous system activity, and increased neuroendocrine responses.

Over time, these reactions contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments. Conversely, engaging in forgiveness acts as a powerful coping mechanism, reducing stress levels and promoting overall health.

What is the best time to forgive?

Dr. Khan inquired about the appropriate time to forgive, prompting Dr. Toussaint to highlight the importance of authenticity in emotional processing. While immediate forgiveness may not be feasible, the sooner one can begin contemplating it, the better.

He likened it to quitting smoking—the body starts healing the moment a person decides to stop, just as the mind and body begin to heal once forgiveness is initiated. However, he cautioned against suppressing negative emotions, as acknowledging and processing hurt is a crucial part of the healing journey.

The Role of Rumination

A significant indicator of the need for forgiveness is rumination. Dr. Toussaint pointed out that when thoughts about past harm persistently occupy one's mind—especially being the first thought in the morning and the last at night—it signals an unhealthy fixation. Studies have even linked forgiveness to improved sleep quality, reinforcing its impact on mental and physical health.

Does Forgiveness Require Forgetting?

A common misconception is that forgiveness necessitates forgetting the harm done. Dr. Toussaint debunked this myth, stating that the human brain is wired to remember negative experiences as a survival mechanism. Instead of forgetting, he encouraged reframing the memory in a way that minimizes its emotional distress. True forgiveness, he argued, involves remembering without the burden of anger and resentment.

The Interplay Between Forgiveness and Justice

A particularly intriguing part of the discussion revolved around the relationship between forgiveness and justice. Dr. Khan raised the question of whether forgiveness undermines justice or if revenge is ever justified. Dr. Toussaint clarified that while revenge often perpetuates pain, justice can coexist with forgiveness. He advocated for restorative justice—where accountability and reparation are sought—rather than retributive justice, which focuses on punishment. He emphasized that seeking justice does not preclude forgiveness, but rather, can facilitate the process.

The Power of a Sincere Apology

The podcast then explored the role of apologies in the forgiveness process. A fascinating study discussed in the episode revealed that a sincere apology can significantly increase the likelihood of forgiveness, while an insincere apology is as ineffective as no apology at all. Dr. Toussaint outlined the elements of a meaningful apology: acknowledging the harm done, expressing genuine remorse, offering restitution, and committing to avoiding the offense in the future. When these components are present, forgiveness becomes a more attainable and authentic process.

Potential role of artificial intelligence (AI) in promoting forgiveness

Emerging technologies, including artificial intelligence (AI), may shape the future of forgiveness. Dr. Toussaint acknowledged that AI could play a pivotal role in mental health interventions, providing resources, exercises, and reflective prompts to aid individuals in navigating forgiveness. He also discussed the Sierra Leone Forgiveness Project, a global initiative that demonstrates how forgiveness can heal entire communities.

In today’s increasingly divided world, fostering forgiveness is more important than ever. Dr. Toussaint underscored the urgent need for forgiveness at all levels—personal, relational, and societal.

Research shows that strong social connections are the most significant predictor of long-term health and happiness. By choosing forgiveness, individuals can nurture deeper relationships, reduce stress, and contribute to a more compassionate society.

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