A Groundbreaking New Project Looks At The Taboos Around Finding A Marriage Partner Among American Muslims

A new photo project by Muslim women plans to uncover the prejudices — or “isms” — within the American Muslim dating community. The three isms outlined in the project are sexism, ageism and racism/colorism.

The project’s creative director, Tahirah Nailah Dean, said it stemmed Pictured: Tahirah Deanfrom her spending the last few years experiencing “the good, the bad and the ugly” of Muslim dating. She started by “formally and informally” approaching other women to get their perspectives on the problem. While writing about her findings was effective, she believed the American Muslim dating crisis would be best illustrated through photography.

“While our divorce rate continues to increase, (it currently sits at 45%), the more troubling number is the number of never-married, single Muslim women,” she said. “The marriage crisis, as it’s been unofficially deemed by American Muslims, remains unexamined by sociologists and journalists alike. Yet, in mosques across the country, Imams are frantically fielding calls from anxious parents asking why their high-achieving, successful and religious daughters can’t meet a Muslim man to marry.”

The photo series will depict two versions of women for each ism. The first will show her battle with the issue and the second will show her liberation from it.

“I wanted the dual photos to present the problem, and not necessarily the resolution, but the defiance of the Muslim woman who continues to seek love and marriage despite the ism(s) that challenge and deter her,” Dean said.

Pictured: LaTerry MohsinLaTerry Mohsin, who designed three of the gowns used in the photo series, was attracted to this project because “it’s an opportunity to bring these conversations to the public space.”

“My hope is that this will serve as a starting point for so many critical conversations, that we will begin to challenge our thoughts instead of just following the status quo,” she said. “Instead of feeling embarrassed that these unflattering topics are being discussed openly, we can start to have the type of deep, meaningful and gut-wrenching conversations that bring about real change.”

Ayana Ife, a fashion designer, lent the project a wedding dress she already had in a bridal collection.

Qamara El-Amin, the photographer of the series, said she has Pictured: Qamara El-Aminalso seen Muslim women struggle to get married because of these isms. She believes this initiative will greatly impact the marriage crisis.

“I think this will allow us to have a conversation about the issues that our community labels as a preference,” she said. “People don’t see racism as racism, they see it as a preference. They don’t see misogyny as an issue, they see it as the norm. I hope by having a conversation about these isms, we are able to explain why they are so problematic.”

Pictured: Hauwa AbbasThe PR and Videographer, Hauwa Abbas, said all of these factors have gotten in her way on her journey to find marriage, which is why she was interested in the project.

“Three years ago my friend and I created a matchmaking service at our local mosque. At this time, I was not looking for marriage but wanted to create a platform to help others find marriage. During that process I noticed a lot of issues with what people looked for when it came to marriage, (mostly from men), just how sexist and blatantly racist they were when it came to selecting their life partners,” she said. “This made me uncomfortable and that’s when I knew we have a major issue in our community.”

While Dean believes the marriage crisis can be solved, she said it won’t happen if everyone continues to shy away from the conversation.

“We, as a community, must get specific about these experiences. We must shine a light on the ugliness of the isms and the cultural beliefs that perpetuate them. We need frank conversations and increased premarital workshops aimed at prioritizing Islam before cultural values,” she said. “By sharing stories about the types of women (widowed, divorced, working, older) that the Prophet and the Companions married, we can show how Islam elevates women and promotes diversity. We can also teach people that Islam is flexible and while it does delegate specific rights and responsibilities to men and women separately, it does not clearly define how educated or career-oriented a woman should or shouldn’t be in order to be a good wife.”

Since this was a “passion project,” Dean said she and her team have high hopes to get enough funding for a second series that would discuss sizeism, ableism and the stigma of divorce. Those interested in supporting the second series can email her at nailahdean92@gmail.com.

The project in its entirety can be found here.